Saturday, March 04, 2006

Fuggity Fuggity Fuggity Fug

Do you have any fugging idea how fugged that is? You're completely fugged.

'Go fug yourself' discusses how it is that the most prestigious Hollywood celebrities who-have-their-own-goddamn-personal-fashion-stylists, to the not-so-well-known-except-in-the-land-of-asscracks-and-excessive-eyesore-alert-boob-flashes C-list actors and actresses alike get smashed in their faces one fine day and get their fashion sense all screwed. Not anybody is spared from moments of fugliness, and the fug police are just there so that they can flash a bit of ass to the world and stamp a red card when they do. But hey, everyone is allowed mistakes right? We're human. For fug's sake. That's true.

Until you appear too much in the Hall of Shame, then you're marked forever, bitch. Oops. Did I slip Jessica Simpson's name out? No? Darn, I just.. Ah well..

Even she looks like she broke her elbow trying to stuff her hands in.

Baby J's head:
"Ahhhhhhhhh, laces broke my arm! I'm paralysed forever!!! Oh no, is it that the right leg goes up, the left arm swings up too? Or isit the right? Eeks. Am I smiling? Oh no, I think I cracked my neck too!! Don't worry. When in doubt, Botox yourself up! Just walk, baby. I know you can do it, it's just a few meters more... Easy. easy.."

And this is what the Fug Duo says:

I mean seriously. ENOUGH ALREADY. ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I am officially, 100 percent, totally and completely, utterly and deeply over Jessica "Is This Tuna or Chicken?" "Buffalos Don't Have Wings!" "Aw, look at my little sister, isn't she -- NO, LOOK AT ME AGAIN!" "I Slept With Johnny Knoxville OH NO I DIDN'T HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE THAT?" "I filed for divorce. NO, I DIDN'T. Or DID I? No. I didn't." "My dad is totally normal, I SWEAR!" "Listen, my marriage is totally awesome, REALLY." "Hey, check out my boobs!" "My ass, my ass, now let's talk about my ass!" "You too can have my Daisy Dukes body...just buy my exercise DVD! And my perfume! And my body glitter! And my line of jeans! And my SOUL!" "Hey, Star Magazine just did an entire two-page article on MY ASS, complete with EXPERT OPINIONS because everyone is JUST THAT INTERESTED IN THE RELATIVE BOOTYLICIOUSNESS OR LACK THEREOF OF MY BEHIND." Simpson.

Therefore, I decline to comment on her VMAs outfit, even though I could say that she looks like the top of half of a pirate bride paired with the bottom half of, oh, I don't know, SOME IDIOT WHO JUMPED ON THE FORMAL SHORTS BANDWAGON, but I won't, because Jessica Simpson won't go away until we all start ignoring her. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, she was never at the VMAs, she has never been to the VMAs, she has never HEARD of the VMAs, she has never had a hand in either V, or M, and she certainly doesn't deserve an A.

So let's all just go about our business and pretend this never happened.

- Jessica (Not the one in the pic)


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