Sunday, May 28, 2006

Creeping Alongside

Cute graphic, but wtf storyline?

Ever missed the last train home?

Here's the synopsis:

Unable to find a taxi in the West End, Kate (Franka Potente) heads for the Underground.
Slightly tipsy, she waits for the last train, but drifts off to sleep...

and awakens to find everyone else gone.

Gripped by panic, she attempts to leave the station, but realizes that she has been locked in. Then a train pulls into the platform and she boards, somewhat unnerved as she is the only passenger. Her relief at finally being on her journey home turns to alarm when halfway through the tunnel the train jerks to a halt and her carraige is plunged into darkness.

Kate is about to face the first of terrifying events that will shatter her nerves and chic composure - testing her endurance to the limit. She is not alone in the maze of nooks and dank crannies.

Lurking in the pitch-black maze is something.


Unimaginable is right. Especially the part of 'who the hell did the copy writing?' Intrigued by the cute lil graphic above, which does look nicely edited, I entered the site, which popped up a window, fine with me.

..... Minutes passed by, I thought the window hung. Loading took forever at the site, and getting just the synopsis took 5 minutes of agony. Not to mention that if you read through the writing, you'll find that Kate is a stupid woman who advocates everything that parents teach kids not to do. Namely drink alcohol, and sleep when you know it's the last freaking train, following stray dogs into dark shafts, making bad decisions, trusting the homeless, and not bringing brains out, even if it's for a glam party. Brains account for actions, you know?

Any blundering idiot knows that taxis operate throughout the night, trains don't. Why, oh why subject yourself to torture when it involves going all the way to the underground to wait for a train, when you can do the same thing (wait) at the main street and get a stupid cab? Gah well. Forgive me for my outburst, but I simply can't forgive such idiocacy. Especially when they mentioned a tipsy Kate. Hangovers don't cure themselves in short hours. Train staff don't lock up before making sure everyone's not left behind. Tipsy people don't suddenly get panic attacks. When the last train has already left, where on earth is ANOTHER train coming from? With that thought in mind, WHY board it without asking for a destination? Why do people who realized that they are locked in stay not near the gates but at the train waiting area instead? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm going crazy.

It doesn't help that it took 5 mins to give me such garbage. OK, assuming she's a blonde, that Kate that is, let's continue... *reads*

..... WHAT CHIC COMPOSURE?! From the start, Kate is a drunkard! A bum! A society outcast! She probably drooled a swimming pool while waiting for the last train to leave without her! Then she panicked! With exclaimation marks! What Chic Composure are we talking about? Are we even on the same planet?

And she is about to face a 'series of unfortunate events'. Like getting sucked to outer space by the plothole black-hole. Good grief. Not to jump into any wagon before knowing the entire story, but it sounds like an underdeveloped plot to me, eager to jump right into madness and heart of doom. It wastes no time in getting the viewers to know Kate (besides the drunkard bumtass) better to get sentimental when she gets bludgeons to death somewhere or something. I bet my own bum on this that this film will be a piece of craptastic horror alright.

... and oh wait, the site forgets to reveal to us that Kate dearest almost got raped in the meantime while being unresponsive to the world. Which makes me wonder how she escaped it. Must be an ugly blonde then.

With no cast photos or images convincing at all, viewers really give no damn as to whether Kate makes it through the night or not. In fact, we may watch with amusement at her stupid attempts to run into the shut gates over and over like a bug. Who's Kate?

"To borrow from Colin Firth in Love actually: It is mainly scary how bad the writing is."
Click for Full Review

Thank you, Boyd for articulating my sentiments exactly.

Just a slasher gore flick, with no plot whatsoever.

Oh, it's not too bad. Creep just needs a cast change, a director change, and lastly, a story change. :)


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