Friday, May 12, 2006

Cold Bacon Madness [*****] uTTER randomisity.

Fae's ratings:
Entertainment value: *****
Confusion: ****************************************************
Woahah: *
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Totally randomised fun.

I was merely searching online one fine holiday for Don Hertzfeldt's information, and came upon this page

unknown to me, this is so weird. It inspired me. Before I got confused.

There


is______________________a___book by
C_old bacon.

_____It is titled Cold Bacon.

By co ld______________bacon. Brr.




Excerpts of the story are like nothing.
_________________ Reviews say it sucks.
With 5 stars

From Amazon.com
A noble craft, but somehow most melancholy -- and brilliant, April 20, 2006
Reviewer:Raw Nerve (Somerville, MA United States) - See all my reviews
an eclectic self-portrait that elevates the personal Web page to the level of art. Although "Cold Bacon" has its share of rants (Anthony Lane gets majorly reemed) what separates it from the 19,873 other insipid blogs being scribbled away at this precise second is that mojo, that special sauce, that something you know when you see. Funny. Sad. Smart but never snooty. Antonioni gets props as do Chuck Jones & "Andrei Rublev;" "Black Hawk Down" gets attacked, witheringly, but with self-effacing irony ("My military background is sweeping. I have logged over one hundred hours on CNN."). my favorite moment is when Cold Bacon describes searching for bugs as a kid. later pages are peppered with random definitions (one for "glib") and emails, including several by clueless kids trying to sponge free help interpreting "Prufrock". do the strands coalesce into a whole? Mostly. toward the end, he says "I want to live on mountain edges / where pizzas are delivered." Read this book, laugh, be taken away, & go into the smithy of your soul where, if not a new consciousness, at least you'll feel something interesting going on.


Gah. There's even _____________Childre n's book reviews.

http://www.coldbacon.com/children.html

But oh well.


  • It's impossible to even describe cold bacon, because it's too random.

See for yourelf. s





Or maybe take their Email SURvery?

syrvey.

Surfey

servey

zervey

Surrvey

....

Survay.

alkdglakdgnlakgnadlg

http://www.coldbacon.com/email-survey.html



eeeee[!]




excerpt: http://www.coldbacon.com/cheese1.html

The Truth About Cheese - Who Is Reading This Page

The following are some examples of search strings used to access the The Truth About Cheese. First, there are the people with the important questions
http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=How do you make cheese?&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=on&search.x=7&

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&stype=stext&Translate=on&sc=on&q=Cheese, Melting Point&s

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=Why does cheese constipate people%3F&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=o

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&sc=on&q=what is on the other side of the moon&kl=XX&styp

http://www.ask.com/main/askjeeves.asp?ask=how come we can%27t see the back side of the moon%3F&origi



As for our readers, our site has some of the most intelligent
http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=parmensan cheese&user=yahoo

http://google.yahoo.com/bin/query?p="cheese in a can"&hc=0&hs=0 [.wav]

http://www.google.com/search?q=""grape cheese"&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&start=10&sa=N
And paranoid
http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=dangers of cheese eating&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=on

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=cheese and problems&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=on

http://search.dogpile.com/texis/search?start=6&q=listaria in raw milk cheese&fs=web&to=twenty&p=1&br

lithuania near the balkan seas. (btw, it's listeria)

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=Micrococci in cheese&kl=en&pg=q&Translate=on&search.x=25&se

somebody save me, from the micrococci, in my mind.

http://www.google.com/search?q=What can happen from eating moldy cheese?&hl=en&lr=&safe=off

umm...
And downright sensible
http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=real cheese&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=on

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&sc=on&hl=on&act=2006&par=0&q=Extreme Cheese&kl=XX&stype=

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=cheese light&kl=en&pg=q&Translate=on&search.x=22&search.y=9

http://www.google.com/search?q=cheese buried &sa=Google Search


And then of course, we do get some others...
http://google.yahoo.com/bin/query?p=i am the cheese&hc=0&hs=1

http://www.google.com/search?q="I am the real Anastasia"&hl=en&safe=off

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?pg=q&sc=on&q=%22an unexamined life%22&kl=XX&stype=stext

http://www.altavista.com/cgi-bin/query?q=%22and besides%22&kl=XX&pg=q&Translate=on

That's hilarious. Who the hell gets on a search engine and just types "and besides"? That person deserves a medal.
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