A letter..

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away
to Cornwall together! Have a great life!


________________________________________________________________________



Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything, if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning and your negligee was £49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was born
Carla...I hope that's not a problem.


My apologies for not blogging for such a long time; work has been consuming. If I were a meal, I must have been a hearty dinner, because work is still enjoying my last bits of sanity.

I have adoped an egg!

Um. As part of the morbid curiousity of it, I'm adopting a weird egg from Elements Graphics.

On every month, 5 eggs will be released to the public to adopt, and will hatch on the first of the following month. It is not known what the creatures will look like until hatched. This is absolutely free, and users can adopt any number of eggs they like. In exchange, this cute campaign requests that adopters not to use them for commercial purposes.

Have a look at mine:

DAMN YOU'RE FAT!!

I had the most hearty laugh when I saw this counter attack:


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net